Who Wants to Marry a Lesbian (Couple)
I am Jewish and Irene was raised Catholic, but it feels weird to refer to ourselves as an interfaith couple. I think of interfaith as segregated; two people with totally different beliefs and traditions and that’s definitely not us.
Irene and I share the same values and both appreciate each others background and enjoy observing each others traditions. So when it came time to decide who will marry us there wasn’t a clear answer. At first, I thought it was most important for us to be married by a gay or lesbian officiant. I realized quickly that wasn’t really important. Then I thought, we should be married by someone who has performed same-sex ceremonies before… but that still felt like the wrong criteria. Bottom line is, I wanted to be married by someone who really wanted to MARRY US.
Sounds a little narcissistic, and maybe it is, but there are so many officiants out there who have no problem whatsoever taking your money and marrying you without having a clue who you are individually or as a couple. We decided to get married by a Jewish clergy member in honor of my family’s traditions. My mom asked around and compiled a list of “gay-friendly” Rabbis and Cantors. She contacted them, to see who was available/interested and lowered it down to a short list of people for me to follow up with.
Through that process, we found an awesome officiant. She’s a Cantor in New Jersey and I felt comfortable with her almost immediately. She was genuinely interested in us as a couple and even better, she was REALLY enthusiastic about performing a Gay Wedding. She told us at our first meeting that she often talks about Marriage Equality in her sermons, but has never performed one and would like the “street cred,” if you will. Also, she’s originally from Connecticut and was looking forward to doing her first gay wedding there.
The other thing she said that sealed the deal, was that she requires to meet with her couples at least three times before she will marry them. During our first meeting, she gave us a folder with a simple homework assignment and some recommended reading. How cute is that?
Tags: Judaism, officiant | Comments (6)6 Responses
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Love it! What’s on the reading list?
She recommended The New Jewish Wedding, Revised by Anita Diamant which was really interesting and super helpful in deciding what parts of a Jewish wedding we are and are not relevant for us.
our pastor came to our wedding that was 5 hours away from her to marry us. it was one of my favorite things about the ceremony. so nice to have someone who is so personally vested in you to perform such a special service. sounds like you found the perfect person to marry you. congratulations!
Will you guys have a Huppa and a Ketubah?
Chuppah, yes. Ketubah, no.
**smile** Love this outcome of your officiant ‘search’! Like your Cantor in NJ, I am very enthusiastic about performing weddings for gay couples. I am a Life Cycle Celebrant, trained in the art of personalized ritual and ceremony. I compose ceremonies based on my clients’ stories, beliefs and values. Many Celebrants across the country joyfully work with gay and lesbian couples. Thanks for sharing your stories with us!